January 2011
78 posts
3 tags
Fallout 3, IRL →
List of Things I Hate, in HTML
<ul>
Everything
</ul>
OFFICE BRAINSPLOSION!!!1!1
THAT. JUST. HAPPENED.
Eau de Fatte (obviously with an accent)
Someone just walked past my office and his/her cologne/perfume smelled like powdered doughnuts.
1 tag
Dark Professorial Secret
You’re right, wait lists for classes with a maximum enrollment are created for no reason. We make wait lists for our courses for the same reason clubs always have a line outside—to make it seem much cooler than it is.
2 tags
Nothing like seething anger before 9A and coffee...
I should really check my email later in the morning….
Tattoos from Typos
On Fourier transforms:
“Functions can be approximated by a combination of sins and cosines”
But replace “functions” with “life”…and add some scrolliness to the font…and stuff.
Boom, automatic nerd tattoo.
Open Letter to Students
Professors have access to wikipedia as well.
That is all.
Sincerely, -Tim
1 tag
18 times in a row is probably enough
THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID
No, seriously, no more Band of Horses…. Now for some Pitbull.
(I fully admit my embarrassing white-boy love of reggaeton.)
1 tag
Today's Motto
Science isn’t all puppydogs and beakers. Sometimes it involves a fictitious woman pissing at snow.
I am listening to The Funeral on repeat and...
Today’s going to be one of those days
"The Funeral" by Band of Horses is awesome
Discuss.
TRICK STATEMENT. THERE SHOULD BE NO DISCUSSION ON THIS TOPIC. IT SHOULD BE ACCEPTED AS THE FACT THAT IT IS.
Re: Previous Post
me: this seems relevant to your interests: v
(not v...my apple key doesn't work any more)
Kally: oh great.
that's a quality piece of technology you've got there.
me: that's why they install 2 apple keys...for when the convenient one breaks. I bet steve jobs wishes he had 2 pancreases installed. (you know...for when the convenient one breaks). (ooooooooooooooh). (too soon?)
Kally: i'm not up on my apple gossip. what's wrong with steve jobs pancreas?
me: he can't replace it himself...he has to ship it back to the manufacturer. he just stepped down again
Kally: heh...he has to ship himself back, you mean.
me: he doesn't die, he just stands still and spins a rainbow pinwheel, but everyone will still stand there and tell you that Steve Jobs is better than Bill Gates any day of the week
Kally: the pinwheel one is my favorite dig so far.
2 tags
I know why Macbooks come with 2 Command keys now
It’s for when the convenient one breaks
I LOVE MAPS/DATA--County data of adults with... →
“I’m a big nut lover”
– Paula Deen
1 tag
Open Letter to the Asian Girl in the On-Campus...
Hi
I noticed the lenses popped out of the giant, oversized, black-rimmed glasses you were wearing. The prescription must not have been very strong since you had no trouble interacting with your environment. Anyway, you should head to the optometrist on campus as soon as possible to replace the lenses. They’re expensive, and I bet your parents would be less than thrilled to know your...
The Future of the Ruling Class of America →
I was on this guy's bus on Friday →
I overheard him make some racially-insensitive comments. I assumed he was just being old. Instead he was being old and drunk.
Secrets of a restaurant fluffer
Chef Anne has been talking about massaging meat and chewing bones for the entire first 6 minutes of this episode.
2 tags
When you respond to an email 2 days late, you are...
Having 3 hours of availability on two days a week != reasonable
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"Do you feel like you learned something?"
I just got an email that says work has changed the default for final exams from “yes, I’m obviously giving a final exam because this is college” to “no, I’m not giving a final exam in my class because it’s too stressful”. To be fair, everyone gets at least a B+ anyway, so why continue the charade?
Portmanteaux you never hear
“Cuterus”
Comcast sucks hairy, shit-covered donkey balls
I’m tempted to just go by a new wireless router and mail the old one to comcast with a brick attached to it saying “I’m too far away from Philadelphia to throw this through your window”
File under "Things I Do Not Miss"
Wet chemistry
Word of the day: lachrymator
Between the benzoic acid I made in my (failed) reaction this afternoon and the onion I’m cutting for the supper I’m making, I will have zero point zero zero tears left in my body.
On homeschooling, part 2
Kally: "i have to write a 10 page persuasive paper on why evolution is fake."
me: "I know what i'll do...changes the margins, up it to 75 pt font, and write 'because god said so' 5 times"
Kally: ALOL..."my 19 siblings and i had an assembly this morning! it was about how to stick our fingers in our ears whenever anyone starts using logic or rational thought."
me: "I can't WAIT for our field trip to planned parenthood next week!"
Kally: "i'm so excited to ride dinosaurs with jesus on our creation museum field trip!"
On homeschooling
Kally: apparently, so is excellent posture.
me: that's what you learn in homeschool...that and jesus
Kally: and page cuts.
me: "i got an A- in jesus science, but only a B in posture"
Kally: "i'm gonna work really hard on my biblical anthropology homework tonight."
me: "Ugh. I don't want to make a diorama explaining how jesus walks on water. How am I sposta show the god force with pipe cleaners?!", "i'm really worried for my Guilt final tomorrow."
Justin Bieber
When I think airport racecar bars, I think of teenage canadian tiger beat centerfolds. Obviously.
It's like rain on your wedding day
I’m at a racing-themed airport bar and 3oh3 is playing. I’m so disoriented. And now Michele Branch….WHERE THE FUCK AM I?
2 tags
Summer 2011 = Omaha, Winter 2012 = Ontario, CA
Conferences for professional associations are the only reason the populace of second-tier American cities are employed.
"Doctor: Giffords has '101 percent chance' of... →
Scientist: Doctors have zero percent knowledge of statistics and a million percent knowledge in hyperbole.
It's an epidemic
Next time I’ll be presenting a poster to scientists on why comic sans is not an ok font for not only scientific presentations, but also life.
Physicists after dark
Overheard at my conference: “She’s admiring my box!”